2023 Trade Hyuckline Primer!

[Lundek]

Holy shiyut that's a nice log! 





Gonna go bring this to Jussi's wife tonight, she gonna love this stick, MMYEAH oh shyuk! Where was I, it's tchk tch time for your 2023 Trade Hyuckline Primer. In this thread, we will ROUTINELY update the league day to day, 30 days leading up til the deadline. Where I'll provide updates on every team at least once, and provide commentary on league doings and JOOCY logs around the league. Feel free to PM me any insider info and I'll be sure to take a big shit on it! Hyuck!


Dustin Mooy - All dat boy Dustin been doing this season is liking posts on the forum, not particularly doing anything dam else. The Ducks, however, did make a ballsy move earlier and took Winnipeg GM out to a fine dining restaurant where Winnipeg offered Dustin $1000.00 for 'just being a good guy', but instead Dustin accepted Patrick Kane in compensation instead. McDavid finally has someone to play with this year. Will the Ducks be looking to add more to compete with Vegas for top spot in the Pacific or will McDavid be on the ice going like this:





Utah Hockey Club - The Arizona Kyogres are wimpering down the standings, clinging onto that last wildcard spot. Looks like another quick playoff exit if Adam Whatareyoudoin-Smith doesn't do something fast. The Yotes are singing their desert song, with a respectable roster in place, but fan base is growing a bit tired of the GMs slow and steady approach.


Boston Bruins - Looks like Mr. Healy has been getting his bearings underneath him and more into the swing of things in the VHL, but HYUCK

HYUCK his team still sucks! LOL! There's a ton of good young and promising pieces there, but the team is in desperate need of some direction or some veterans to help guide the Bruins to the next steps. Will another deadline come and go where all we get is another sleepy hibernating bear type season in Boston or will we get COCAINE BEAR



Calling you out now Boston! Let's see some action out of the Bruins front office this deadline!


Buffalo Sabres - What is in the water in Buffalo? I certaintly ain't building my dam around there any time soon. Scott 'blew' up some of his core last off-season in the Sabres first ever attempt to rebuild but they DAM STILL IN THE PLAYOFFS. 

Live shot of Minnesota Wild when he acquired Buffalo's 2023 1st from Vegas



And then footage caught of Minnesota every time Buffalo wins a game



That said, Buffalo still boasts a respectable roster despite their retool, and I am curious to Hyuck! see what Buffalo does this deadline, they still have some JOOCY logs on the roster they could sell and further cement their prospective rebuild plans, but they also have enough in their arsenal where they could still make some noise and load up for another run just because they feel like it. They don't own neither of their 1sts in the next two drafts so the Sabres are ultimate troll candidates and can cuckol the Wild and Oilers whom currently own their next two upcoming 1sts by remaining competitive. 

That's it for now! Stay tuned to this primer as I provide MULTIPLE updates on EVERY team in the next 30 days leading to the deadline HYUCK

[Lundek]

You know hyuCKAMKAKA svqeff2 god damn twig caught in my throat - HI welcome back to log

I'd rather live in a soggy log cabin than have to play for the Calgary Flames - Roomuurs suggest the league had to take control of this team in the off-season due to extreme negligence from the front offices. Sources close to me say this may not be the case, but another quiet and absent-esque season from management may suggest that the Flames GM could be dead! Where is this little rascal?

The Flamers remind me a lot of the Boston Cocaine Bears, some fantastic young talent there but where the heck is the direction? The team could be molded rather quickly into a contender, but their success, or lack thereof, is currently a reflection of the management up top! Huah huah huack


@hurricanesgm - Sources out of Carolinuh is the GM continues to sign in once a month and try and trade Bobrovsky. Yes sources close to my beaver dam, and no it's not a cocaine bear, say the GM continues to shop the once elite goaltender, however with the 50 game mark now passed, Bobrovsky is only worth as good as a playoff rental. That said, I can see the Hurrilames moving Adam Henrique, he's still rated decently and has term on his deal. Henrique is definitely on my 2023 trade hyuckline list!


Chicago Blackhawks - You know times are bad when Nick Paul is your best rated player, huck! This bottom of the standings team doesn't have a lot in terms of assets to 'sell off' this time around compared to seasons past. GM Sullivan may be forced to be a quiet bystander this go around, I am sure he will find a way to get something done, but the more bud lights he drinks on deadline day the less liklier he gets a deal done. Tyson Barrie is likely the only player of note he may try to peddle out to teams. However, Barrie is on a 3 year, $6,500,000 contract, for an aging one dimensional defenseman that is not good value.. wait a minute??... bawH GOD THAT'S CRAZY JOE'S MUSICK



Live shot of San Jose Sharks coming to acquire that bad contract!

Zoran - The Avalanche have been an uninspiring team over the course of the last few years, and this one is no different. They sit near the bottom of the West again. They do own their 1st rounder this year so perhaps that could put a little emphasis on the GM to maybe sell a couple of useful players they still have. I don't see Colorado moving Larkin or Pastrnak, in fact.. I don't really see Colorado doing anything.

Have they ever?

Anyways, that roster is teetering a bit in no mans land, with a couple pieces added, the team could actually start looking good on paper, but I don't see that happening this season, and it may be in the best interest for the Avs to recoup some youth by trading off players like Buchnevich, McCabe, Carlo, Coyle, and W. Karlsson... if the Avs ever do come back to relevancy one day, these players won't be helpful when that time comes.

Tune back in again thiSHYUCK weekend, I got all kinds of joocy roomah's floating down this stream in the river. BE sure to contact me about any insider info  you may have so that I can ignore it all completely!

This reporting is brought to you and part by Juicy Fruit!

[Toronto Maple Leafs]

I can't wait to hear Lundek's rumor mill discuss the Philadelphia Flyers. Rumor going around that the Flyers GM drugged and raeped a fellow GM and forced through a trade after sneaking into the league head office. What happened there? Surely Lundek caught wind of that?

[Minnesota Wild]

Buffalo boasts a respectable roster the way Minnesota would have a respectable roster if they deleted their top forward line and their starting goalie.

[Lundek]

Feb 14, 2023 20:30:35 GMT -5 Minnesota Wild said:

Buffalo boasts a respectable roster the way Minnesota would have a respectable roster if they deleted their top forward line and their starting goalie.

BuFfAlO bOaStS a ReSpEcTaBlE rOsTeR tHe WaY mInNeSoTa wOuLd HaVe---

Sources close to me tell me that the Minnesota Wild will be picking up a little known 7th round prospect and then will likely drop them 3 weeks later for another lesser known 6th round prospect. But not to worry - as rumour has it GM Duncan from the Wild may drop ANOTHER unknown prospect to get that 7th round prospect back. This is still a developing story here, we'll have more for you at 11!


Columbus Blue Jackets - The Columbus Blue Hyuckects have been dominating the VHL this season, leading the league with a humongous big 80 points on the season thus far. The Blue HYUakets only have $5,000 in cap space... until NOW! With the leagues cap now temporarily at $86,625,000 - this gives GM Trent approximately 4 extra million doggies to acquire Hyuck! another piece. Will the top team in the league add additional help or will Columbus stay pat in order to keep their chemistry in tact?

Speaking of top teams, there are reports out of Tampa Bay Lightning that GM Tony Chiu has just bought his 20th laptop on the season, yeah? Reports say the GM smashes his computer anytime his team loses a game! The local Target close to Tony Chiu's parents basement gave me this info! I'd say the reports are accurate as Mr. Chiu has 19 losses on the season, here is most recent footage of Tony with his front office staff after his most recent 3-0 loss to the lowly Avalanche:



As you can see, GM Chiu had to be restrained by his colleagues, hycuk! Damn shame. Will the Bolts add at the deadline to try and overtake president trophy leading Columbus? Or will Tampa stay conservative in hopes their current roster is finally enough this year to win it all? Stay hyckeD! Tuned!

Now it's time for some BIG D.

The Jussi Kalmi. Get your head out of the swamp, Big D in Texas - it's been a shaky season for the Stars after their cup win last year. Usually hungover Jussi Kalmi has had a hard time adjusting and clearly hasn't dranken enough water this year to set his head straight. 

You hear that, Jussi? What's going on over there Mr. Wildcard man



The party is over and it's time to put the Bud Light away. The Stars are hanging onto the last and final playoff spot this season, a farcry from their dominant performance last year. I feel if the Stars do want to attempt another cup run, they should look to try and add a top line winger. There team is very good on paper, but there is a bit of inexperience there, and a lot of youth, where a veteran scorer up front would probably get that team playing at another gear. Look for the Stars to add a top forward this hyuck!

The only team that could possibly catch the Stars in the west this year issssss... *checks notes* BaHW GAWD IT'S.. IT'S CRAZY JOE



Could it be?!?! Crazy 'Bubba' Joe is the only team in the west who challenges Jussi for that final wildcard spot. But does Crazy Joe have what it takes or will he be too occupied once again. Last trade deadline Joe didn't even realize it was the trade deadline... when we tried hyuck! phoneing him today for insight into his trade deadline plans this year, there wasn't nothing but muffled noises over the phone. We realized Joe didn't even know we had called him and you could hear him talking to his wife in the background with the following comments:



Those are the only quotes we were able to decipher from the phone call. IF San Jose Sharks does manage to pull off some crazy moves to improve his team, how 'Crazy' would it be seeing the Sharks with his bubbly twisted teas in the playoffs? That would define the whole 2023 VHL season!

[Chicago Blackhawks]

Pure Gold !!

[Buffalo Sabres]

these are amazing

[Jussi Kalmi]

You are always bullying me Lundek....

[San Jose Sharks]

Hahaha Pure Gold. And…….im back. My fav time of year.

[Florida Panthers]

Feb 21, 2023 19:10:27 GMT -5 San Jose Sharks said:

Hahaha Pure Gold. And…….im back. My fav time of year.